Standing alone in a crowd

Growing up, I developed a deep connection with my Grandmother as I had spent my entire childhood in her presence. A connection where neither words mattered, nor, expressions. She could see that part of me which nobody else could imagine, or perhaps, I should say that she was the only one who could do so. About four years ago, I lost her due to kidney failure. That one moment changed my entire life. I had lost that one person around whom my entire world revolved. Putting all the pain aside, that day I experienced something which unheard of, at least to me- Being alone in a crowd.

All our lives ‘being social’ is encouraged a lot. It paints a beautiful picture in our minds. People with more friends and more followers on social media are considered to be very lucky and happy.
I, as a teenager, thought too so.

But that moment I could feel this hypothetical bubble bursting. Standing amidst a bunch of people, supportive friends, and a loving family, I could feel an emotional distance from everybody. Nobody could connect with me and I had to stand up for myself and handle myself emotionally. That incident changed my perception of the crowd. My heart no longer calculates the number of people in my life, it has started counting on the no. of true connections I have. Over a while, I have realized that this is the only thing that matters. No matter how many followers you have on social media or contacts you have on your mobile. When your trip over an obstacle in life, very few hands will lend their support to lift you. Those hands matter a lot. It is very important to identify them, segregate them from the rest of the crowd, and tell them how important they are.

This incident also taught me an important lesson. Despite having well-wishers in your life, none of them would be able to help you. That situation would demand you to stand up for yourself and fight. The only power, support, and motivation you can rely on are you. External supports come with an expiry. Never compromise on yourself to please others.

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